


Will It Ever Be The Same?

by DarkMidnightRoses



Series: Suffering Akira [2]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Akira Can Play Piano, Akira has Issues, Akira suffers a lot, Alternate Universe - Kurusu Akira Has A Palace, Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, BE WARY, Body Dysphoria, Dark Kurusu Akira, Dark Past, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I just love short Akira, I love all of them, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Insecure Akira, M/M, My poor bby, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Protective Phantom Thieves, Sad Akira, Self-Worth Issues, Short Akira, Social Anxiety, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Though seriously Akira suffers a lot, because it's adorable, might not have a happy ending, supportive phantom thieves
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2018-06-14
Packaged: 2019-05-15 09:06:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14787569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkMidnightRoses/pseuds/DarkMidnightRoses
Summary: ~Why must we run?~~We want to be free.~~It’s never been the same.~~Have you missed me?~*You should take care of yourself.**You’re getting worn out.**You are tearing yourself apart.*-I can’t take the pain.-





	Will It Ever Be The Same?

Akira knew from the day he was born he was bound to fail. He was constantly reminded that he amounted to absolutely nothing, he knew it was true. He knew he didn’t amount to what the world had set for him. He knew he would fail everyone, even the Phantom Thieves. He didn’t want to but he knew he would end up hurting them as he was and always will be the weak link.

There wasn’t anything Akira could do about it, he was just a failure. He wanted to get rid of all these thoughts when he found out about Palaces but nothing seemed to erase them. He wanted to speak up and warn the group that he might have a palace but freaked out and stopped once they looked at him.

He really was pathetic.

He couldn’t seem to do anything right, always failing at anything he put himself to. He wasn’t smart, he didn’t look good, he didn’t have good instincts, he had no creative side, neither logical, he was just... nothing. Something to stare at and feel bad for, like a caged animal. 

That’s all he was, a caged animal. 

It was a terrible thought but one Akira lived by. 

_“Watch the animal and it’ll do something funny.”_

_”Fall over animal, make me laugh.”_

_”What’s wrong animal!? Can’t take it!?”_

The Akira thought about it the more he realized it was true, he was a caged animal only there for entertainment. Still, even with this realization Akira carried on being Joker, being the leader, being supportive, he couldn’t let down his friends, even if it meant tearing himself down in the process.

* * *

 

”Akira, you should really take a day for yourself. It can’t be good to wear yourself out every day.” Morgana pointed out worriedly, only recently did he realize how much Akira did for others while completely ignoring himself. Akira turned the cat with a bright smile.

”Thank you for taking worry in me but I assure you I’m fine. I don’t need a day to myself, it gets lonely even if you’re here.” Akira smiled at the feline and went to grab his bag for Morgana.

”Alright.” Morgana reluctantly agreed to do more stuff with friends today and hoped into the bag Akira put down for him. "Just promise to take at least one day off for yourself you've done everything for everyone." Akira simply nodded and checked his phone, 3 people were asking to hang out, he decided to hang out with Yusuke as he enjoyed his company the most. He loved all his friends but he couldn't help but enjoy some people's company better. He did try to regulate the amount of time he spent with Yusuke though as he doesn't want to act like he doesn't care about his other friends. He knew Mona realized that Akira tended to gravitate towards Yusuke, he teased him for this on multiple occasions.

Akira walked towards where Yusuke asked to meet him, it was a restaurant which Akira found strange but Akira didn't question it. Yusuke did some odd things, this was not one of them, this was actually pretty normal. Akira walked into the restaurant when Morgana jumped out of the bag.

"I'll leave you two be." That wasn't unusual either, Mona tended to walk around whenever Akira was hanging out with someone. Akira looked into the dimly lit restaurant, it was a bit to fancy for what he was wearing, he wished Yusuke had told him beforehand. Akira scanned the tables to find Yusuke sitting at one near the back, he told the waiter and headed in Yusuke's direction. He sat down across from Yusuke rather awkwardly confused on why Yusuke told him to meet him in such a place. 

"Ah Akira, it's nice to see you made it." Yusuke smiled at the shorter boy across from him, Akira smiled back and nodded to nervous by the atmosphere to complain that he was underdressed, then again so was Yusuke. "I saw this place and had to try it out so I thought why not try it with you. Sorry for not warning you beforehand though, it had slipped my mind." Akira simply nodded again, he was to overwhelmed by the number of people to even try to come up with even a one-word response. Yusuke noticed this and did the only thing he could do to lighten the mood, tell a bad pun, it works quite well most of the time. "I once ate a watch. It was time-consuming." Akira was taken off guard by the sudden pun but giggled a bit at how bad it was.

Yusuke counted the giggling as a success and went on telling bad pun after bad pun until Akira was dying, giggling like crazy. Yusuke smiled at the short boy in front of him with fondness, he had this aura to him that made you want to protect him. Yusuke watched as Akira calmed himself to stop himself from giggling and gave Yusuke a warm smile. This lasted for about 5 seconds until Akira grabbed the menu, looking for the smallest thing he could order without raising suspicion. It's not like he didn't eat he just preferred to eat less than what you call normal. He knew Yusuke was sharp with these kinds of things but if he did it cautiously enough he could slip by. Akira decided to get a smaller sized salad, it would be easy enough to explain why he chose it.

The ate their meals, which were mediocre at best, with minimal talking, well on Akira's side, he barely said a word. Yusuke, on the other hand, was constantly talking about new art stuff, Akira listened to every word that he said, not that he absorbed any of it, he just liked Yusuke talking so passionately about something. By the time they actually left the restaurant, it was late enough for Akira to worry about Mona, no way was he anywhere near here at this point. It was a shame that the feline wouldn't be joining him on the journey home. Akira bid his goodbyes to Yusuke and turned to the direction of LeBlanc, it was quiet and if Akira was being honest, a bit creepy, most of the shops were closed down so there was barely any lights or noises. Akira hated going places without Morgana, especially when it was late at night, he felt a sense of security when he was with him. Akira actually felt that with every one of the Phantom Thieves, they all made him feel a little better on the inside. 

Of course, it was all only temporary though as Akira would always feel like shit whenever he was alone or left with his own thoughts. Akira always felt like a hypocrite whenever he was helping his friends with their problems as he often contradicted his own thoughts. He gave them everything he ever wanted, like a place to belong, but he always told himself the opposite of what he told his friends. Who could blame him though, I mean just by looking at him you could tell he was horrible to be around. His eyes were too far apart and his proportions made no sense at all, he was an eye-soar and his personality wasn't any better.

Akira was a goddamn flop and he knew it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made Yusuke a bit OOC but it wasn't on purpose. Akira can't really be OOC as he is a silent protagonist, well a mean I did make him short, oh yeah! On that note, Akira is somewhere around 5' 5" in this story :P, I really like short Akira. Actually, this entire chapter was more shippy than I originally intended, that won't last though :3. That last paragraph or so was just a warning, this is going to get a lot worse.
> 
> (Akira is the same height as Makoto in this story and I will be going with these heights for the characters:  
> Yusuke: 5' 11"  
> Ryuji: 5 9"  
> Futaba: 4' 11"  
> Makoto: 5" 5'  
> Ann: 5' 6"  
> Haru: 5' 2"  
> Akechi: 5' 10")  
> I found all this on the Fandom Wiki and that's where I'll be getting most of the other information of that sort. Also, I looked at it and it lists Akira as 5' 9" which would make him shorter than Akechi :3. (Don't get your hopes up though as Akira is practically 5' 10" as he's only 2 centimeters shorter than Akechi.)  
> (Though Ryuji is to as I checked and he's also only 2 centimeters behind Akechi making him and Akira the same height, which I LOVE.)  
> (Still prefer Short Akira though.)


End file.
